l Can't eat, can't sleep... only dream l

| Sunday, Sept. 29, 2002 || 1:02 a.m. |

So last night I craved a beer and some social atmosphere. I called my trusty friend Crazywater to see what the happenins were. We desperately tried to play checkers online but it just wasn't in the cards to do so. She had early went out and bought a 40 because she too was in the mood for some barley drink. So I ventured off the find a liquor store on the way to her house and proceeded to get asked out by the guy behind the counter selling me my corona. I thought he was tripping or something, just minding my own business tryin to buy beer and he started in on the "you know you look really young and beautiful... do you have id? Ooh you're along way from kansas now aren't you? (I gave him my wisconsin id so he would not see my address) are you moved here for good? If you change your mind about getting a drink, I was serious." I just smiled and said well you'll be here now won't you? UUH yeah like I would date a guy behind the counter of a lil liquor store! Seriously it made my night but the man was pushing forty.

Well, Crazy water and I drank the entire 6 pack then since it was only 1:30 am we thought we should go buy more. I narrowly escaped at 4 am without having to analyze myself as she kept trying to do. We discussed Milwaukee and her relationship. She proceeded to inform me that I need to stop thinking about myself all the time. I never really knew I was so selfish... well maybe selfish is not the correct term, but I do always change things around to reflect on me or whatever... That is one of my biggest problems, I only think about what is or how things are going to affect me. So maybe Milwaukee was right. Ooh yeah I tried to call him too. All three of his phones were turned off, then I remembered that he was up in Greenbay for Chirogal's birthday. Crazywater thinks that I should find out where he lives and one day after a few months have past just show up at his door. Do you think that would really work? What if he was bringing a girl home only to find me at his doorstep. I don't know... I like the sound of it but I am scared. I am always too scared to go after what I want (another revelation made by my drunken friend). Geez we drank two six packs of Corona... Her girlfriend woke up and joined our conversation around 3:30 and her dad had joined briefly before he left for work at 3. All in all I would have to say it was a wonderful night of bondage for me and Crazywater... we have never just chilled and drank alone before in bars yes but not just kickin it... at least not that I really remember.

Today was just a bore... the phone rang twice this morning. Once when a check cashing place called - i never answered and again when sometype of solicitor called - again I did not answer. After 9 am the phone still has not rang. I left a message for Crazywater because we had talked about going to her neighbors party tonight but no response. It is really depressing when no one calls.

I can't sleep, i keep thinking about milwaukee.