l Every little thing hurts l

| Tuesday, Oct. 22, 2002 || 11:03 p.m. |

Ooh my goodness, Ooh my goodness! I am so tired of trying to figure out html! I think I have it done all right for now. I would really like to be able to move my 3 extras over into the blue area and figure out how to change the fonts and styles, but I can't seem to figure this sh** out!

Real World Report~ I think I am okay on the coins scale... I kinda messed up with my prediction again but I don't think it will hurt me too much - we will see tomorrow I guess.

I am having trouble trying to figure out how I am going to pay all the things I need to pay for. My mom expects me to pay $200/mo either towards her credit card (which was used to move me back) or as rent... So either way I have to fork over $200. Milwaukee sent me a pathetic email wishing me a belated birthday but it was more of I am miserable and you still owe me money, please send asap. Then I have the Bally's thing that I just made a deal to have it completely paid for until Aug'04 but I have to give them over $200 for the next three months... Then there is my cd that I want to do! How on earth am I going to pay for all this? Not to mention I still need to pay off what I have in collections, outstanding medical bills etc... Can we say frustrated much?

I need to start soliciting my body or something - JUST KIDDING!

I responded to Milwaukee's email semi-appropriately, I should not have responded at all but I could not help myself. I seriously doubt I will hear a response. However I am still sending him the cd's, tape and letter that I have for him. Maybe it will just prove to be torturous for him then I will be happy. Sadistic aren't I? I want him to hurt without me. Or just miss me so much he can not stand it anylonger...

My mom is crying again, I cried earlier and I guess now it is her turn again. Geez, we both have been shedding many tears. Hers unfortunately always happen in the bedroom when her man is staying the night... He is moving to NY at the end of the month and it is really hurting her to see him go. Now she knows how I felt... But I do hate to see her go through(sort of) what I did.

Am I selfish? Am I as irresponsible as I think I am? I wonder what I will think about these entries ten years from now. What will I be doing ten years from now... now that is an interesting question!