l Going for a drive now, feeling a lil unsteady, don't want anybody to follow me, except maybe you... (you know who you are!) l

| Wednesday, Jun. 26, 2002 || 10:30 p.m. |

I know, I know... this update is way overdue!

I should technically be in some other state right now driving into the oblivion that to those whom live there is an actual state... for me more like a state of transition.

In the past twelve days I have done nothing but procrastinate what I should have had done way before today! I went out to LaLa land to visit an old internet friend on her 23rd birthday... I feel so out of place in the gay community now... What used to be my "world", "family" or "community" now feels like foreign territory. But none-the-less I had a blast watching my AJ get numerous numbers, make-out with cuties and be gay and merry! Something I used to do with great finesse I might add!

The next day I ventured up north to not only visit my G~p's, Uncle and cousins to bid adieu, but gain a nice computer as well! Yes D~world I finally own my very own 'puter! So what do you think that means? Yes! You're all right on the money! I can keep all my wonderful friends updated on my life as a wife!

But before I get too caught up with that let me share the best of it all!

I managed to get quite a bit of packing done on the day I was picking up my Milwaukee man, and when I did finally rescue him from the hell known as LAX, I took him to my favorite lil hiding spot in Laguna Beach, a place where I have on sooo many nights (a few years ago when I was "a gay" teh heh hee) brought my dog (Bailey Bear), a bottle of my favorite wine (lambrusco), and poured my fragile heart and soul onto parchment with nothing but the moon as my sight...

Well, as we sat on the rocks over looking the crashing waves lit delicately by the Full Moon, He kneeled before me on bended knee, plucked a box from his pocket, proclaimed his affections and asked for my hand in marriage.

On the brink of tears I wrapped my arms around his neck, sank my tear-swollen gaze into his oceanic blue eyes and whispered "I love you, yes".

The next day was wonderful with a few (now seen as) minor setbacks... We spent a beautiful day at the City of Universal Studios, touring the newest attractions, the old favorites, and just being newly engaged... Later and as well as being late, we were treated to a overly fulfilling dinner by my mom; this was the first time that she had met my Fianc�. Of course she adores him, almost as much as I do! Still running late, my mom accompanied us to Cheers for a gathering of friends to say "see you later", Good luck congradulations, and by-the-way-this-is-my-fiance!

This was an eye-opener to say the least, I know now (or am reassured) who my "real" friends are... They are the ones who were there (before me - and some after) brought me a card & gift (although unnecessary, but highly appreciated) and sang songs to me through out the night!

I wanted to cry so many times, and still do... But I KNOW that this is not for long, be reassured my dears, I WILL be back soon... I love all of you who were there and wish I could take you all with me... create our own drama-free cheers right down town Milwaukee. We will leave the drama folks behind... You all know who they are!

Today was so hard, thus why I am here right now at my mom's writing this entry...

My body it aches and screams for a hot tub, weed, alcohol and a long deep massage... But while my baby takes a nap, I shower and prepare mentally for this nights journey...

NeighborGirl~ Thank you for that last stop you made today, it meant so much to me that you did despite your better judgment. It really made me feel more... umm I don't know the right word to describe it. Appreciated? Loved? Important? I don't know, but I think you know what I mean. I know that today was very hard for you ~ both of us, but I want you to know that you of all people I have known here in California, you have always been there for me, given me support, love, honesty, and an emotional hand when I have needed it. I only hope that you can say the same about me and I only wish that our paths could have crossed much much sooner. I am ever-so thankful just for the simple fact that they have.

Please know that even if I keep in touch with no one else, I will always with you, I want you in my life, I need you in my life because I love you. You are the sweetest most genuine spirit I have ever come across, I will always be here for you even if only by phone and diary, even when I am long and gone, I will watch over you from the heavens or maybe as your newest cat... If ever you hear of me passing on, find a baby fluffer that was brought into this world shortly after and name her Angel or him Angelo. Of course I am sure you will know that it is I when you see me...

Although, we know now that this will not being happening anytime soon...

I had the most wonderful times of my californian life with you and you all! If you so desire to corresponde and do not all ready have my address then just sign my guestbook, leave me a note, or sign my slambook and enter the correct email address and I shall send it to you... If you would prefer for it not to be posted for all of eternity, just request it to be removed after I read it and I shall... I am the only person who is notified when someone does this so I should be the first to read and respond...

I should head out the door now, it is almost Thursday and we have a long journey ahead of us!