l I'm standing on the bridge I'm waiting in the dark I thought that you'd be here by now There's nothing but the rain No footsteps on the ground I'm listening but there's no sound Isn't anyone trying to find me? l

| Monday, Nov. 18, 2002 || 5:36 p.m. |

Where on earth do I begin to begin?!

I had one crazy night last night... I was going to finally meet up with my Webmaster in Puffpuff Beverly Hills, but apparently my friend Romantic and I missed her by an hour, and oh her cell phone or something wasn't on or working so she didn't get my message until 3 am. Whatever, to top it all off I locked my friggin keys in the car! I didn't not even realize this until after Romantic and I went out for drinks then he dropped me back at my humble lil molly (echo). Thank goodness I tried to find my keys before he pulled away! Amen for the fact that he had Triple A as well. Geez, I am kickin myself in the arse for canceling my fucking road side ass-istance with Suckmyclit PCS.

So anyways, at least I can say that since both of us were exhausted and felt like old foggies, we left the college hotspot at like 11ish, so I got home around 1 in the morning. Not too bad for an old 23 year old fart, but I did have to go to work this morning which really sucked shit let me tell ya!

I hate to admit it, but I am really starting to think that this grandiose deal/job thingy might never materialize. I hate to be a skeptic since I soo desperately want this to happen. I understand that she is X-tremely busy with everything on her plate (which is why I am now a moderator for RR11 Kendal's website), but I mean this is a HUGE thing that you want to accomplish, you said yourself that you really need this to get moving so why is it not moving? Maybe I am just impatient. I like to charge in a take control but I have no say, it has not been offered to me and I have to wait to see if I am what she really wants as far as opening this l.a office.

I just want more than anything to get the ball rolling and know that this is legit, I am not being pushed around. Ya know? Is what I am feeling valid? I think so...

On another topic~ I am still thinkin about Milwaukee. Like I said before I am trying my hardest to move on and not think of him so much. If it is meant to be then it must be let go so I can give it an opportunity to come back to me.

Why is it so hard to let go?!?

Somebody please smack me upside the head! lol

I have still not heard from Dreplica, however I have not made an attempt to call either... I met another person online today that seems interesting to become friends with.

I only wish I had money though, my bills are adding up and my pocket is just getting smaller and smaller by the day. Anyone want to send me a dollar? lol I just stumbled upon that savemarykateandashley site... I forget her real name but I was seriously considering doing one of my own. But I don't have nearly as much debt as that sexinthecity whore did. I don't know her so the whore thing was just a joke...

I need to get some sleep but before I do I need to rewatch my tapes of Real World - Las Vegas so I can make an accurate prediction! lol

I am just a sucker aren't I? I think since I was number one when it first started that kinda has me hooked to try to get back up there from my current spot of 7... hey my change at the 7-11 was 7.77. Maybe that is my luck streak beginning!

*I am an evens freak for all of those who don't know me - libra, we're all about the even shit and balancing lol*