l Getting a little ahead of myself... l

| Tuesday, Nov. 05, 2002 || 10:44 a.m. |

I just have to write about this! I can�t stand with holding any longer! The admirable Webmaster (the infinite source of my new do here at d~land) and I have been talking about the possibilities of my employment with her company via email correspondence. Finally we had the chance to speak verbally in regards to what she is looking for and what I can bring to the table. She is even more amazing over the phone then I could ever have imagined. First of all I have to say I had no idea what to imagine. It is hard to create a persona from only limited email correspondence, however I was impressed as much with her as (hopefully) she was with me. For the young age of 23, I have seen and experienced more than most will ever be it positive or negative.

As I have said before in previous entries, I have no regrets, I do not believe in lamenting over what cannot be changed. With that said � I am so excited! I know I am jumping the gun here big time, but the possibilities are endless and my imagination runs wild. The job entails working at home, I live at home with my mom so the first thing I would have to do is find a place of my own. Lord knows my space right now is crammed and I have access to the computer only when she is not occupying it herself. I love my mom to death, we are the best of friends, but I know how selfish she is when it comes to �her� stuff. So all morning long, in between billing clients, I have been pursuing apartments all over the L.A and Long Beach area. I loved living in Long Beach and since I would be doing most of my business in the L.A area it would be beneficial for me to live in the vicinity. I picture finally having a place of my own, no roommates, something I have never had the opportunity to do! BE completely INDEPENDENT! That is the reason I came back to California when Milwaukee and I parted right? This is really a dream come true for me, if I prove to be what she needs and is looking for. I just imagine paying off my mom�s credit card that I am stuck paying for because of the move, buying new furniture since I had to leave every lil bit I owned in Wisconsin, and above all re-establishing myself! This is the direction I always wanted to see my life take. Being apart of my passion, learning about what I love, and above all it is doing what I love to do!

My only concern or fear is I will not live up to what she wants in the physical appearance department. I am not obese, but I am not entertainment industry thin. I would say body wise I am J-lo during In living Colour, ghetto booty and all! I am working on it, I know I can do it � shit those pictures last year was when I looked my best, 125 lbs, I hadn�t been under 130 in years� Unfortunately now I am 20 lbs heavier, although everyone says I look fine and shouldn�t worry about it, I am incredibly self-conscious. Not to the point of bulimia or anything, but I have been known to forget to eat on occasion but not enough to do any damage, I just get busy and space out food.

Ooh geez, I am retarded! Why am I spilling all this? I have no clue. I just hope I am what she needs, and I am anxious to meet as we have planned to do this coming Monday night. Although I am quite nervous about her friend, I fear she might attack me or just hate me for even existing! I can�t even fathom the thought of someone hating me! Such is life I suppose. I will deal with it as it plays out�

Now where on earth can we meet for dinner? I am not really informed on the upscale restaurants in L.A, I have never been able to enjoy that scene� hopefully I will soon! (More wishful thinking!) Another aspect that really intrigues me is the thought of being her shadow, traveling around the world learning all about her world, all the in�s and out�s, what makes her tick, think and respond. What drives her? I am fascinated to say the least to learn and be apart of this �family�.