l It this for real? Can I really make my own name for myself? l

| Tuesday, Oct. 01, 2002 || 8:40 a.m. |

Argh!! Now that I am in the groove of working I can't stop thinking about work, Milaukee, then Milwaukee while I am at work... then last night I dreamt of Milwaukee for the first time in quite a while. But it was an unpleasant dream... The first unpleasant dream I have had with him in it. Okay... It was my birthday or around my b-day and while in a coffee shop I won a ticket to Chicago, then all of a sudden Milwaukee walked in and we were talking when he said something about "she gets so excited over call waiting and caller id". For some reason I knew he was talking about his neighbor and they were together now I guess. Right before he said that I had put out the cd's I made him for him to take and he did not even acknowledge there presence... So after this comment I picked them up and threw them at him and walked out yelling at him... "Are you going to take these or not?!?" Then walked out. I was so upset. then I woke up cursing myself for having that wicked dream.

Last night I took a chance with the strange audition with some music producer... Thank goodness I managed to finagle NeighborGirl to go all the way out to Lake Elsinore with me... I had no idea where I was headed and no idea what it was all about. It turned out to be at a private residence and kinda shady... Well, not really but I have a lot of thinking to do before I give this guy any real answer. I know that all I have ever wanted was to be able to make a living as a professional singer and this guy seems to have the knowledge to be able to help me achieve this goal. It is for real? Can I really do this and create my own label? Is this something that I can afford to sacrifice for right now in my life? I mean really could I ever? If this is what I have always wanted to do then why not now? Now is the best time no? I have to think about it...

Tonight I HAVE to record something for the LA Idol contest. I better be able to get a hold of Crazywater tonight... it is bad enough I left my makeshift temp check book at her house and she hasn't called me back about that. I just hope that no one in her house threw it away or anything then I would be really screwed! I don't know when I am s'pose to get my cute lil boop checks.

Any hoo, enough for now... I have lots of work to do.