l Out with the Old... In with the Bold! l

| Sunday, Aug. 18, 2002 || 11:02 p.m. |

I am returning to Wisconsin on Friday. I am dreading that day. Returning to an almost empty apartment. Devoid of all love and emotion. Raped of all the recent memories of lovemaking and happiness.

I am going to the Island tomorrow, then meeting up with my cousin to hang out. I think I am going to stay the night with her and just spend time catching up. She is really bad at keeping in touch, but when we are together again it is really a great time and we always talk about how we wish we lived so much closer. The years have really brought us closer together. We never had much in common as children but now we have more than we could have ever imagined. She asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding next June. I cried so much yesterday... All throughout the ceremony then when Softyball gave me the card asking for me as a bridesmaid and again when I sang a song to my dad by special request of my Aunties. It was a great yet depressing day. I missed Milwaukee so much. It hurts to talk about him as if everything is alright and life is beautiful. I almost had myself believing it but I haven't heard from him in a couple days and I can't choke down my own lies anymore. My family is really hilarious! My cousin shorty got so wasted last night he was making out with a 30 year old married woman, well she is getting ready to go through with a divorce. It is so funny to see my lil bro and Shorty get together. They see each other maybe once every 3 years or so yet they act like two peas in a pod. As if they were twins separated at birth. It really pained me not being able to drink with everyone, but it turned out to be a good thing that I could drive and think clearly cause no one else could.

I ended up crashing at my cousin's hotel room with her and her fiance. He is a pretty cool guy, I like him already...

I am jealous now that both of my cousins are so incredibly happy and I ruined my perfect prince by beating the hell out of him. I know I didn't ruin him, I will take my share of the blame but at least I was man or Woman enough to admit my mistakes and apologize.

Any hoo... I had a blast... can't wait to get back to california and try again at auditioning for the Real World. I think I will have a better chance since I am not bringing asshole along again...

I am getting more and more excited about my new life I plan to lead!