l One Night Stand? l

| Tuesday, Mar. 19, 2002 || 4:32 p.m. |

What constitutes a one-night stand? How does one determine what is, will be and might have been? Men go into a situation with this knowledge is that correct? They will act and say what ever they think you want to hear just incase they think that it might lead to sexual gratification? This is my present concern, amongst all the tedious tssks flitting through my now feeble mind.

Crisp clean lite consumer driven stout

Tilt back; melts off the day�s �bout

One into two; three turns into four

Don�t worry there darlin� you ain�t keeping score

Nights still young; you don�t have to pay

Just wake up tomorrow not remembering today

Start fresh with a headache, a stranger at your side

Harmless lil fuck? In 9 months you can no longer hide�

What have I done? How many times have I said that phrase? No regrets right? Umm I don�t think so, I might have many if what I think ends up happening� There are so many things that I just do not think of when in the �Heat of the moment�. I am scared to think of all the things that could go wrong in my life all because of a careless mistake, a deadly, careless mistake. I am really beginning to have some serious concerns about the way I live my life and the choices that I make. I drink just a lil too often passing it off as my only means to a social life. I could go other places other than Cheers, but that would involve me spending money on not only gas but drinks or food; I just do not have that kind of cash to burn.

Should I call? Should I care? Which way should I go: Left wing or right? What sex suits me best? What is more pleasurable, satiating, mouth-watering, desirable, provoking? Since childhood I have gotten off of dirty magazines, nudity, t and a. I have had many �encounters� with men and a handful + one long term, messed up relationship with women. Do I base my sexual future on the one long-term fling or the many men-ipulations I have dealt with all my life?

�I am feeling a lil perplexed, what was I thinking? What will I think of next; where will I hide?�

�Where was your conscience then? Where did you put all those letters that you wrote to yourself that you could not address�

The words of the great and powerful Ani D~ sums up my melting pot of emotions.

I must find those letters, I must force my eyes open to see the realization of what life might be storing for my future, if it is even certain that there will be one for me.

The courage or cockiness of a cocktail makes me stronger, weaker in the eyes of my peers, fear drums through my veins as thick as the liquid that cools me down. Confident are those who shell out the greens backs that feed this beast I call my socialite of soci-et-y.