l Gone down the drain... Washed away by the rain... l

| Tuesday, Aug. 20, 2002 || 8:46 p.m. |

I went through with the procedure today. I am done with it completely except for all the fun pills.

I spend the evening last night with my cousin, we went over to my Aunt's house had dinner with her and my other Aunt and just chilled. It was refreshingly nice to just sit and chat as adults. We have never really done that before. It must be difficult to jump from seeing a niece or nephew as nothing but a child then 16-18 years later sit and talk about sex and relationships as if you have been around them for decades.

Milwaukee has been calling a lot these past few days. He keeps telling me how much he misses me, how difficult this whole situation is on him, and how sorry he is that it turned out the way it has. What a bunch of BULL SHIT! He obviously wasn't too concerned about me when he moved out and kicked me, pregnant with his child, out into the streets. Now all of a sudden he misses me and feels so compelled to let me know that he does not feel any ill will towards me or hate me at all. Like I give a shit. He told me last week he knew that when he said good-bye at the airport that that was the last time he would see me again, yet know he really wants to see me when I get back. He has practically begged to see me. Inadvertantly of course... Guilting me more like it... I really hope and wish that I get a chance to see you before you go... I just want to go out on my own, get wasted and maybe pick up on some hotties. Try the single Milwaukee night life and have some fucking fun for once in my gawd damn podunk life!

Enough for tonight I am too exhausted after my long day at the clinic...