l Chipotle. chipatable? Lale lu leugo l

| Tuesday, Jan. 21, 2003 || 9:34 a.m. |

Is this just me or does this at all sound like Milwaukee in an unsent letter to me? I really must be crazy... but what is life if not a lil crazy right? Boring, that is what it is.

I had a relaxing, depressing, sobering weekend, didn't do much of anything but for good reason. As much as I may say I am working to become an alcholic it is the farthest thing from the truth. I know I have that potential & really don't want to end up the way I have seen others. Friday night would have been the best excuse to run out & get tossed like I have never been tossed before. I was very vulnerable & wanting to have leo call so I could get wasted & f***ed. I really needed to feel desirable, beautiful & loved even if it was just momentarily & a purely sexual thing. I am relieved that I did nothing, not one drop of liquid passed my lips, my mind was not altered by anything other than my usurping emotions. I did not sleep real well this weekend either. Insomnia has once again taken ahold of my sleep patterns. However when I managed to fall asleep I sleep hard & long which is a blessing for the weekdays in which I sleep only 4-5 hours.

Strummer & Tats came over on sunday to help me pack, well it was more like watch me pack, talk on their cellphones & watch t.v. but I can't blame them I was doing the same but I did manage to pack one whole box & restuff a couple others... I am a lazy arse! I hate packing/moving I am sick of doing it again & again! When will this madness end? will it ever? I hope so... I am feeling more and more that I will end up in Texas even as much as I don't want to I think it is inevitable. It just pains me too much to be so far away from my family & not be a part of my niece & future nephews lives.

I called my Gram last night for her b-day & we discussed it at great lengths. Our family has always been there for each other. We love spending time, watching each other grow & just be at arms length away from one another. Which is something we haven't been in nearly 4 years... I am the only immediately family member that my niece doesn't ever remember & that breaks my heart. I hate not being the favorite auntie or even remembered at all. But until I find out where I am headed with my future career & what not I will have to wait to see where I end up in 6 months or so.

I am really anxious to get settled into my apt... I start moving tomorrow after work & boy do I have lots more packing to do! So looking forward to that let me tell ya!

It will be a nice sense of accomplishment to sit back & relax once I am finished. I know this might only be for another 6 months but I will make sure that these 6 months are peaceful, fun, and entertaining! My very first apartment solo!

I dyed my hair this weekend, twice actually. No I didn't mess up the first time, I just decided that the bright red streaks I put in on friday would look even better if I used an all-over chocolate colour with it... I look like a chocolate cherry! I will try my best to take pictures tonight or tomorrow when I am packing so I can let y'all see the new colour. I just hope it looks as good or show up on camera... New time in my life = new do or at least colour.

All right the boss man is back in town, I have a pile o'crap to invoice on my desk, & another pile to write up collections letters for... How exciting for me huh? lol