l My second entry (today)~yeah! l

| Monday, Mar. 10, 2003 || 2:28 p.m. |

My second entry for the day! woot Woot, I have to take advantage of the boys off playing to do my own catch up!

I have a lot of energy, all that damned coffee! I need to stop drinking that sludge. It's been over twelve hours since I have had a cigarette.

I have no money right now, it is not my own doing. Even though I want to quit I have absolutley no will power to quit on my own. I am a glutton, hedonistic. Call me what ever you want just don't call me selfish...

I want this car, in pink- brink pink. My mom is the luckiest girl in the world & after Thursday she will be over a thousand miles away from me. I am going to ball my eyes out when she leaves. I am not sure now if I can handle being in california alone. I need my family. I love my family. I need to move on with my life & grow up!

I called my Fashionartistgirl on saturday & I am so glad that I did. We hung out all day yesterday & she told me that I am the only person that she can truely be herself around. DO you know how much that meant to me? I miss her friendship a lot. She wants me to move back to Long Beach and either get a place with her or near by like we used to be... so close.

She is such a beautiful, naive soul. I love her immensely. Our friendship was almost more of a relationship at times. We really, truely acted as a married, lesbian couple. It was indeed a sexless marriage but more emotional than any real relationship I have had in all of my 23 years. I will not go into the time she chased me around a str8 professional only party asking or yelling "WHY won't you have sex with me??" That was a most interesting night to say the least!

I can't wait to start hanging out with her again. We discussed so much of our dreams & ambitions for our lives at this time/place. How we both are ready to "grow up". There is never a shortage in conversation when we are together! I am completely honest with her and she is with me... I like to think that I am with all of my closest friends, even if they don't want to hear it I am there to give it to them. I am not mean I care, I want to see my friends happy with everything they do in life & if I can have a say or an opinion I am more than happy to share!

I miss having close friendships. They are few and far between! I think there are really only three people in southern california that I really consider true friends through the thick and thin~ Neighborgirl, Fashionartistgirl & My mini-pam anderson! Why is it that I hardily get together with any of them yet when we do it seems we have never missed a beat? =)