l A Stitch in Time or some sort of Crime l

| Saturday, Feb. 23, 2002 || 3:19 p.m. |

**I think I'm going for walk now

Feeling a lil unsteady...

Don't want no one to follow me...

except maybe you....**

I am becoming more and more irresponsible with this journal the longer I procrastinate setting up my room mates computer...

Such a computer whore am I... Or is internet whore more applicable? Ooh I don't know... I am just a whore of many things or fetishes...

This whole epiphany with "bunches", "tits", and "missionary man" has left me feeling hollow... a trunk of a tree with half of her roots ripped from the soil she knows as home... comfort, the down-feather blanket that warms my soul at night... torn apart by the savage jaws of the vicious beast known as man... I knew there was a reason I became a lesbian for a few years... Just kidding... It is all the geminis doing... and I mean geminis in general... I have now been done wrong by two... the same game just different players... the exact same script even! What is it with these twin capers? These split-personas? Their incessant need for affection from multiple secret partners; utilizing the same generic script with every new victim of circumstance...

"If you weren't with insert name, and I wasn't trying to get over "ms.country-bumpkin"... I would definitely ask you out."

How original can one get? Are these pathetic excuses for players incapable of being more creative and original... Shouldn't they at least make each piece of string feel like she cames from a whole new ball of yarn? But I guess that is what makes it easy to cheat or live with multiple lives... lack of originality... that way they just recite what they think works everytime...what every piece of string wants to hear... yearns to hear...creams to hear... what ever makes the panties drop faster... Whatever gets the next kitty to climb ontop of their scratching post...

Dreams... dreams are like cotton candy... spun from the sweet, fluffy with lil to no consistancy, incapable of satiating any real hunger... Teasing you, coating your palette, melting over your taste buds, leaving a layer of desire for something just a lil more appetizing... yet subsiding that craving so desired... A subtitute for sex... dreams can provide just enough stimulation to cum-pletely achieve or radify a need for human sexual interaction...

Am I capable of abstaining from sexual contact? Sustaining on dreams, fantasies and auto-erotica? I tried this after "mr.pussy" and it clearly didn't work... (I recall somehow falling into this strange-thing with the "missionary man") Am I doomed to depend on someone else for physical affectation? Is it really the sex that I am obsessed with or the sheer idea that it is someone who desires me and wants to be with me... the relationship. The fact that I fell into this current entrapment, have yet to broach the subject of suffocation with him all because I was too impatient to wait for someone who was openly pining for someone else and secretly sleeping with someone who had a committed, serious so-called relationship... that should say it all right there! I am a FREAK! No, I am a libra... plain and simple... well that is an oxymoron. A plain and simple libra?! That is almost unheard of... as far as I know anyways...

Hexagram 12 - rejecting something that is no good, just refusing to be involved. It means that things are no good: they are stopped, stuck, descending into trivia where nothing really great can be achieved no matter how wisely you act.

Hexagram 13 - Standing behind, shows an image of people in harmony. Not passionately in love, but working together as friends and partners, finding the rules and sorting out their differences as they go. I wonder whether this is what you are really looking for - people you can work with, who share your aspirations, people you can talk to?

But if the basic situation is Hex 12, Obstruction, negativity, nothing moving, no communication? Then it doesn't seem as if you are looking in the right place.

Line 1 - Pulling up Mao grass, entangled roots, with its kind. Constancy, good fortune.Success? This is about a kind of grass that has long, strong roots underground. In my garden I have couchgrass, which grows the same way. If I take hold of one plant and pull it up, I find I just keep pulling, the roots lead to the next plant. under the surface, everything is connected - there may not be all that much difference between the two relationships as you're approaching them at present. If you start pulling at one - to loosen its grip on you, maybe, and get a look at the roots of the problem - you may find that it's connected to the other.

The line suggests it's a very good idea to start digging!

Line 3 - Enfolding/ embarrassment - I image you're feeling a bit akward about the whole thing; you certainly don't sound very enthusiastic about any of it, especially the "semi-quasi-boyfriend"! To enfold the embarrassment is to hold it within you, not to try to push the feeling away.

This is the I Ching interpretation of the situation I am currently in... The interpretation is coming from a very wise woman in the ancient study of I Ching...

Free Readings and Hilary can be found at www.onlineclarity.uk.com (?) Try searching for "online clarity" on yahoo and I am sure you can find it...

Please feel free to ask questions and I can go about asking the I Ching for you if you would prefer it that way... I am still studying and reading about it almost everyday so I would love to have an excuse other than my own personal selfish reasons...