l Christmas eve blues l

| Tuesday, Dec. 24, 2002 || 12:56 p.m. |

On the eve of this x-mas day I find myself reflecting on what might have been. Maybe the snow has fallen & I am cuddled by the window in my robe with my husband of three months getting ready to enjoy our first christmas dinner together as a married family-to-be.

I heard from Milwaukee again. Our communication is becoming a lil less cold at least I think so...

Angel, did you find anything out? I'm going on the road and really need the money now, since i'm not working. Let me know. milwaukee

looking into having it directly dep into ur acct. still don't know if it was returned. On the road? for GMR? What happened? headed to vegas maybe i'll win it all there! jk. I'll let you know as soon as I hear. love, angel

That would be awesome~when can you have it in the account? Have a blast in vegas! milwaukee

that's what I'm looking into. I'll let u know b4 I put it in. I'll try but I'm just goin 2 drop off a dog. Y r u goin on the road? angel

I'm broke and cant afford apt or car. On the road i wont need them and can make a little $. Please let me know asap when i'll get $. milwaukee

Geez I feel horrible that he has to go on the road again. I feel even worse knowing what he did last time he was on the road... well aside from meeting me of course. I just hope that he doesn't have any one-nighters like before... I know he is entitled to do what ever he wants, I just hope that maybe his travels will bring him out here & he chooses to meet up with me. I have been thinking about that all weekend while I was in Vegas...

We made a point not to go anywhere that Milwaukee & I went back in April which was pretty easy to do. I saw my first Vegas show called Jubilee. Since both gayboy & his friend used to work for Bally's we not only got in free but they had reserved for us the center booth, the best seats in the house. GB bought me two souvenir margarita glasses ~ Whoa can we say strong?

We had an incredible amount of fun, after the show we went to Ellis Island for Karaoke then met some interesting people who invited us over to 'party'. I will not even begin to describe what went on there... it was just too too... Ummm interesting. We left sometime around 3? I really don't remember what time it was all I know is I was out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I really have not had the inspiration nor motivation to write lately for that I apologize. I am having a difficult time dealing with the holiday blues. I feel a lil lost right now. I want desperately to give milwaukee the money yet I don't have it my webmaster does. I haven't even been able to get a meeting with her yet & kinda feel a lil cast aside or moreless strung along. I know that she is extremely busy... the work never ceases but this is an important venture that should be near completion or fruition... I do not know where I stand any where any more. I know I have good friends here but come the end of January I do not have a home. I can't write anymore I am sorry.