l How far is heaven, I just wanna know how far l

| July 27, 2004 || 9:16 a.m. |

I�ve received more interpretations from my 2nd entry yesterday so I want to post those first and here is my response to the previous:

Wow, that really broke it all down for me. That is exactly what I am scared of, losing out on my soul mate leaving him or even by not leaving him. It�s such a hard decision & I want to make sure I make the right one.

interpretation 4 nothing is lost when change comes. If your relationship has reached that point you must get rid of the 'soul mate' concept and just focus on the here and now and see if this person still makes you happy and if you do the same for him. Personally I don�t like the 'soul mate' idea because it is fatalistic and a living pressure to all parts involved. No offense, please, but maybe you should question yourself how much this 'soul mate' thing is holding you back and just eating your heart. Just my two cents. And I wish you extreme luck.

interpretation 5 Maybe there isn't a "right one". Here's what I get from your 14.1-50: There is no "should". The only "shouldn't" is that you shouldn't have relationship with what is harmful to you. If you look at them each under the light of 'which one is going to be good for me', or perhaps 'best for me', your choice will be a good choice.

in my opinion, this is something you must do for yourself, without considering how either of the others think or feel about your decision. Where you plant your seed your life will grow. Having compassion is a great and wonderful gift. But when you are deciding on a life-partner, you must think only, about which one will be best "for you." Sound selfish? It is, and it absolutely must be so if you are to fully live your life to its potential.

My advise, based on this reading, is to let go of should, and choose only according to what will fill your cauldron.

interpretation 6 One other thing. It�s a good idea to consider those influences in your life, which may try and choose for you. In other words, consider the temptation to please your parents or friends or church minister with your choice. Also, your own morality can influence you to choose what is ultimately harmful to you. You can be so intent on doing the right thing that you completely overlook your own happiness.

Now this is what I responded with to those:

Thank you all for your insight, it is so extremely helpful to me. It's hard for me to talk amongst my friends with this situation because they only look in one direction.

when it comes to pleasing everyone else, my parents & closest friends want me to take a break from him & start seeing other people, my heart tells me not too. I can't imagine or fathom being with someone else but now a little bit of what they are saying is starting to get under my skin & making me have my doubts about whether I should really consider taking that break.

perhaps [candid] you're right that I am overlooking my own happiness but aside from all the broken promises I have never laughed & had so much fun with someone before which makes it just that much difficult, I�ve never experienced such intense love for someone either.

see why this keeps getting harder & harder for me to decide [I hate being a Libra sometimes - stress on sometimes ;)]

I had a nice night actually. I made a great little dinner & it was ready right when Strummer arrived. We actually got more done then the last time which is good. I still have a lot of homework to do with listening & getting the music & lyrics down. Hell I even couldn�t remember the one I wrote! I am such a slacker but it�s hard to listen to a tape when my only tape player is at my house. I saw Suisse online right before she got there and it was a very brief convo [all my doing though] and I didn�t even respond when he said he was going to get something to eat so he just logged off. Hell I didn�t even call him at all. I think I need to just do my best to not call or anything for a while so I can clear my head.

Strummer was such a doll last night & picked up my bridesmaid�s dress. I tried it on scared half to death that it would be way too small. I got lucky with the skirt since it goes up to the waist [my waist hasn�t gotten much bigger], but the bodice is a little tight I will have to practice shallow breathing without hyperventilating, but she said that it looked really good. Thank gawd cause I hate the colour [champagne]. I am going to ask nikki [my roommate] if I can borrow her cute black strappy shoes, I really don�t feel like buying anymore-black shoes, that is the last thing I need. I wish I could ear my cute new pink shoes, it would be so much more summery. Dammit I can�t find a pic of my shoes right now. I�ll post it when I find it. They are abso-fucking-lutely adorable!!

Today�s scopes~ If there is an issue with your partner that needs to be brought out on the table, this is a good time to do so, dear Libra. Don't hold back just to maintain equilibrium in the relationship. Do not sacrifice your own peace of mind just to keep the boat from rocking. Refusing to face reality just to maintain an easy facade is not doing anyone a bit of good. Be totally honest with yourself, your feelings, and the people around you. Libra don't worry about that look your sweetie has had on their face lately. It's going to disappear -- as soon as you mention how lovely it is to see them smile. Your mind is running a mile a minute, and you can't understand how some people want to just sit around! While others are watching television you may be thinking about what you want out of life. Take stock of the things you have and see if they are what you really need. Delve deep into your soul to find something you know you should be doing. You may not want to make major changes just yet, but if you don't take risks, you won't find what's missing from your life.