l There's only one thing I couldn't start l

| September 13, 2005 || 3:46 p.m. |

Click here for todays previous [long] entry.

I want a banner. I am totally retarded when it comes to trying to make one so are there any volunteers?

I'm starving. Damn fast food we all ate this past week/end at the hospice is going to make me fat again. I'm not supposed to eat or be hungry. It's bad enough I ate a piece of amaretto cake for lunch, I don't need anything else!!

I fucked up my computer at home. I was deleting crap that I didn't know what it was or were programs I didn't use or want/couldn't use more like it and I guess I deleted something of importance because my computer won't even get to the log on part... invalid something or other, insert disc and start again... I just hope I can get my little brother to haul booty over to my apartment and fix it. Lord knows I didn't get any answer from his cell last night, I know he had all ready left the hospice. Shit no one in my family answered their phones when I called yesterday what great fucking communication.

My cousin is coming out here Thursday. I can't wait to see her and I really hope that she makes it to see my Mom but at this point there's no telling if she will. My best friend Mary will be here Friday too so I think I will take that day off of work. I want to make the enchiladas I make for myself last week that night and make a shitload of marguaritas. A nice get drunk night with the girls and eat loads of great homemade mexican food. I need that kind of a night. A girls night. Fun socialing.

MusicMan is coming out the following weekend [as far as I know right now, no confirmed itinerary yet]. I would really love to see you-know-who [Suisse] but I'm not asking him. I don't want the disappointment of being told no. I really wish I could have him during the funeral whenever that will be. That is when I really will be needing him/wanting him the most.

I seriously need to get my ass over everything and just start dating again. Who am I kidding? I don't know what is going on with Suisse and I can't let myself date. I don't want to date, I don't want anyone but Suisse. I'm pathetic. And please, no commenting on Suisse, I'm just venting.

There never seems to be any interest in dating me unless I am in a happy state anyways. I haven't been hit on in ages. I feel so pathetic and socially retarded. I'm not in a good frame of mind to date period right now. When will I ever be?? Tomorrow will be 2.5 yrs offically since 1] my Mom moved to Texas and 2] I started dating Suisse. Well actually 2.5 years yesterday for the first one and technically the second if I could the day we first hooked up rather then our first date... which really counts?? Whatever. I need to get back to work.