l How wonderful life is now that porn is back in my world... l

| Monday, Jan. 27, 2003 || 10:01 a.m. |

Although I finally connected with aol at home I never really took the time out to really update this weekend. My sincere apologies to my friends...

What a wonderful start to a blah weekend then to visit my nearest & queerest, pop some pills, smoke some pot, drink beer & watch some good old porno! Crazywater, her gf, sister & I got all loopy & horny at the same time! lol Kinda embarrassing when the entire time Crazywater is trying to persuade her own sister to sleep with me! I mean I would have done her, we have been friends for ever & I think she is just absolutely adorable... I think that since we have been friends for so long that it really won't hurt our relationship at all. But I would certainly not pressure her or make the first move at all.

Crazywater & I actually walked down to the movie store to rent the afformentioned porn & we got to talking about my preferences for sexuality... She seems to think that I will eventually end up with a man or that my 'soulmate' is a man... I disagreed with her & I still do. My thoughts on the issue is the following~

1] All my life I have masterbated & fantasized to women, never men.

2] I find women a lot more sexually desiring physically.

3] All my life I have been raised with the notion of dating men, so I have - I think that it is a comfort or security issue. Men= protectors by definition of survival of the fittest... Does this mean I will feel this security with a butch dyke? No, i think it is mental. I also think it is a way for me to try to be 'normal'; hetero.

It is difficult to explain now that I am broaching the topic... But speaking of dating women, the conversation I had with CrazyWater on our porn walk spurred the topic of Dreplica. I have always had her in the back of my mind wondering what went wrong & Crazywater said well Fuck give her a call it's only been like a month right? Do it! So I did & to my surprise she was home ona friday night at 10 o'clock. Apparently I had forgotten the call she made to me the night after our 'incident' in my car. She had called ot invite me out yet I declined feigning illness so she took that as a 'not interested anymore' sign... well I had forgotten that call & thought her lack of communication was the same sign! lol Well I think it maybe taking a nice turn around here... she gave me her new cell number & her class schedule so I think that we might be making a new beginning... Which I am extremely happy about.. I have really missed her company, kisses, touch! Ahh the memories of her lovely kisses upon my face! What wonderful things can be pursued now that I am in my own place... Hmm to think of the endless possibilities! *to think one can have too much fun self-loving, fantasizing & watching soft-core porn is ridiculous!* (as long as it is not the granny porn my neighborgirl owns... lol ~ just had to bring that hilarious shit up again!)