l maybe the wall didn't fall - you could also say one might have been built... i hope not l

| Friday, Aug. 29, 2003 || 2:36 p.m. |

I didn�t drink too much gin last night, in fact I didn�t drink gin @ all. Thank goodness for Red, I could not be alone in my misery & so she came right over. I fed her the cold ding ding meant for him & then we headed down the block to play pool. We actually did not go to Cheers we stayed closer to my apt & just headed to Kelly�s [I�ve only been there twice now & didn�t want to run into people I knew @ Cheers]. I really didn�t drink that much, so I don�t know why I am as sick as I am. It was only beer for C sake! I think I might have just drank them all a little too fast. I was upset, rightfully.

I managed to pour myself into work & I do not feel like being here, but I slept for an hour during my [early] lunch break & now I still feel uneasy but not puking anymore. This might be good for my dieting though [looking for the positive], whenever I get emotionally upset in a relationship I have this strange habit of not being able to eat [as much as I do] & I always lose lots of weight. Fuck I hope so! I am not getting any smaller!

I am going to call my friend Crazywater & her gf to see if her sister has moved out & if there is a possibility of me renting the room, just in case I need to [crossing my fingers].

I�m going to have to put off my plans once again if that happens & I need to move [yet again], that will make it [7] times in the last two years. Ridiculous. Or I just might see if I can just move in w/ my mom in Texas & go to school full time there. I don�t know if she�ll go for that but maybe if it�s temporary until I get a job to pay for my bills & find a place.

I don�t think my heart can handle breaking again. It�d be history repeating itself. Just a year ago today I was packing up my apt. in Milwaukee & preparing for the worst road trip in history.

I haven�t heard from Milwaukee @ all. I really don�t think I ever want to. I can�t watch any Seth Green movies w/out cringing. He looks exactly like him � facial structure [jaw], eyes, lips etc. down to the tee. If you don�t believe me check him out in my pics link under more friends � he�s the blonde & the one w/ blue hair. He�s such a sweet guy but it just wasn�t our time to be together. I don�t think it was meant to be. I just am hoping that I can�t say the same for Suisse & I one day.

Today�s horoscopes

Moi: Conditioned by habit

Weak, transient effect: Tonight you will feel much more emotional than usual. This, of course, can be either good or bad, depending upon how you normally relate to you emotions. If you are ill at ease with your feelings, you will not consciously be aware of them. But you will relate to people in automatic ways, conditioned by habit. You will respond unconsciously to small cues put out by other persons that neither you nor they are aware of. The problem here is that you are unable to see each new moment and person afresh. On the other hand, if you can handle the emotions that are aroused, you will be able to relate to others with great feeling and empathy. This influence is excellent for occasions when you and another person must relate at a very deep, intense level.

Suisse: Seeing clearly

Valid during several months: This influence confers patience and willingness to do difficult and exacting work. Therefore, this is a good time to do any work that you have to keep on plugging at, even though it isn't rewarding. If this influence comes during a period that is otherwise difficult, it guarantees that for the moment at least you will be able to cope with your situation, no matter how difficult it becomes. Intellectual or physical work that requires perseverance and great attention to detail is favored by this influence. Also, this influence will help you get to know yourself better. The close attention to detail that characterizes your way of seeing now will help you see yourself and your own reactions very clearly.

Maybe this means everything will be worked out tonight? Some how I have a feeling that he won�t be staying at home though. I�m just going to sleep this illness away. Ugh!