l Guilty mind = guilt ridden dreams l

| July 13, 2005 || 4:34 p.m. |

I think I found the reason for my little LB's bowel problem. Wow it's a trip and a half to read what was written [almost] today 3-yrs ago. Damn I'm in such a better place now a days. Back then I needed space and now I have more then I even could fathom wanting.

I had a very bizarre dream last night and perhaps it's my brains way of guilt tripping me for not having called Suisse in almost a week. I'm doing it on purpose not to mention I've been busy with a life of my own [finally].

Anyways I was running around getting off and on buses [school buses] with what I think was my niece, but I am not certain. Anyways I ended up having to run through some woods and wound up at a cafe where I met a couple friends. They informed me that Suisse was there but on the patio talking on the phone to Bill. I waited around for a while to see if he'd come back in then decided to walk out and just sit down at a table near by. Once he was off of the phone he stood up and started to walk back in. I chimed in with "aren't you even going to say hi to me?" to which he replied with "no". I started grilling him as to why not and he said that it was because they had been trying to get a hold of me all weekend but I never answered so they assumed I was off with someone else. The other person he was talking about with the 'we' stuff was on online friend we both talk to in Canada. She then drove up and started with the arguing about me doing a disappearing act. I started explaining that no I never received any messages or missed calls at all and had I, I would have returned his call. They didn't believe me at first, he finally said that he knew me and understood that perhaps the Canadian girl said she was calling when in fact she was not. She on the other hand kept the argue up that I was cheating or whatever and never returned the calls or bothered to let him know what was going on.
Bizarre no? I woke up right after he said that he knew me better then that. I really wish I would have been able to stay asleep long enough to finish out that conversation but what can I do? Miss work? So yeah, I think that's a brain way of guilting me for not calling. What do you all think?

I've been incredibly bored here at work all week. Even more bored since I also have been purposely not playing Scrabble all day or at all until really late at night. I'm trying to get a point across but so far it seems to fall on deaf ears or whatever you want to call it.

Okay more fun, I just got a phone call from the girl who bought that Coach bag and apparently it was a fake. I had no idea cause I don't or haven't ever owned a Coach bag but even though I agreed to refund her money [which I put on the ebay listing that there would be no refunds], less the shipping and handling. I honestly didn't know it was fake so that is just the fair thing to do. Damn if I didn't all ready lose money by selling it but now I have to refund the money. Fuck. How am I to sell it now? I really don't want it cause it's just too big for me... shit.fuck.shit.

I'm so totally open for suggestions.